2015 in Review~ Fire, Rebirth, Death, New Vision for the Future!
Dear friends, Yogis, Yoginis and followers;
My 2015 was quite dramatic, as some of your years were, as well. This one was one of the most eventful and turbulent of my 43 years. To sum it up in a blog is really an understatement, so I will do my best to first give you my emotional cycle then to give you event details, as best as I remember on New Year’s Eve after a glass of cab and a glass of champagne and a huge fancy meal while waiting to pick up my daughter from the church party.
So, January we had just purchased the cabin on 12/31/14 on Faith that Sprit had a greater plan. I had decided to move the lovely 852 sf cabin to our property as intention to build a yoga studio and a man cave for my lovely hubby. My intention was to build it out while our home was being rebuilt from the major house fire on 9/1/14 and do a slow transition from my studio space. I told my yoga students that we were moving out of the studio space sometime in 2015, and intended to move in after the cabin was built out, the bath installed and the building of our home complete.
On 1/21/15 (the first day of Mercury Retrograde) I had my contractors go to the studio space and as agreed by my landlord and I remove the flooring. I had laid $5K of floating floor 4 years before with the intention that when I moved I would take it, and leave the concrete as it was when I moved into the warehouse. I had completely finished out that space and installed walls, flooring, baseboards, moulding, custom art and paint and Far Infrared Heat Panels. When I knew that I needed to move and centralize my practice, my teaching. my studio all within the confines closer to my home I gave my notice and the landlord said I could go month to month. So, on 1/21 they were gently taking up the floor, as not to damage it. The said landlord had one of her staff come over and literally freak out on them telling me that they had to put the flooring back down. This led to a dispute between me and the landlord via the staff member’s cell phone. This then led to said landlord coming into my rented space and in a half hung over stupor proceed to tell me that I had to put the floor back. She then demanded that I move out and I happily agreed, she gave me until the next day. I was in shock, but as always, knew Spirit was in control. I told my contractors that we are NOT leaving my floor and we are to remove everything that I paid for, as agreed. The landlord demanded me to pay her for the painting to be done so she could return the space to white. I got her a cashier’s check and waited until she drew up a release from my lease.
Then I called 3 friends, Val, Stephanie and Jennifer, who came to my rescue and moved my yoga studio totally out while I dealt with the landlord issues. The last item left before the close of the day were my Far Infrared Heat panels. I really did not feel comfortable leaving them, as they are worth thousands and I felt the landlord may lock me out permanently if we left the space for the night. I was just voicing this to my girlfriend Val, who was helping me move stuff out with her truck, and she was agreeing. At that moment my contractor came in from the back door and said that the electrician had a cancellation and was able to come remove the panels! Jennifer finished packing my Reiki room and curiously found an amazing, rather large crystal in the room. I had never seen it before! She asked me about it and I was sure it was meant for her. She left after she completed packing the spa room.
Val and I finished packing up every mat and block, every crystal and chair and got ready to move it all into my leased house garage. I then felt the need to clear the entire studio space. Val and I looked for the sage, but it was packed somewhere with my Reiki room items. She took a singing bell and I found some Nag Champa and we proceeded to pray over the space and clear it completely. This clearing was much needed, as throughout all the healing circles, meditiations and Reiki there was a very open vortex of energy. We were finishing walking the space, she went into the Reiki room and I was in the yoga studio. From the corner of my eye, as I was completing the clearing she was doing the same in that spa room, I saw the singing bell literally rip out of her hand and fly backward landing by the back door! I was like, “did that just leap out of your hand” and she was like, “Yeah, that really happened.” We both knew our work was done here. We pulled out and I never looked back.
In the beginning of January my father had esophageal surgery in an effort to get rid of the cancer. He was in the hospital for a few weeks longer that anticipated as his stomach tube kept having trouble. He was finally moved to the nursing home to begin healing then rehab.
The next few months were a blur of building plans for my new home, really rough winter weather in North Texas. Many, many days getting frozen in, contractors not being able to come to work, many. many getting stuck in frozen ice and mud on our property. (including me with a full load of tile) and many hold ups on the completion of my home. So frustrating.
All the while I was conducting my BETA program for my online Teacher Training program and writing my program, revising my manual and recording all the audio modules. I was also holding my yoga classes online via streaming video.
March 12, 2015 I had pushed and pushed the contractors to get done. My daughter’s birthday was coming and more pressing was the fact that my dog, Cherry Flame, was due any day with puppies from Lightning,o our other dog. I did NOT want puppies at the rental and was so, so ready to get on with our life. They made ready, and we were squatters for a few days, I don’t even remember if we had power, as it was such a cold winter and had spent so many hours in the house with just space heaters. Well, when my daughter’s birthday came we were able to sleep in the new house! Then the next week on 3/19/15 Cherry gave birth to puppies in my master dressing room closet. I knew she was in labor, and Rich was home so I rushed to pick up my son from high school and go by CVS to get some iodine. gloves and cotton balls. We had a little medical kit all ready, including dental floss to tie of the umbilical cords. We got home and Rich greeted us at the door. Meanwhile, Cherry had delivered a still born puppy. It was a boy. She was still in labor and a few hours later she gave birth to another boy, which I helped deliver, then another hour or so and the third boy puppy was born, my son caught. They were precious. We slowly sneaked the still born from the litter and gave him a little burial next to Ming, the Siamese kitten who crossed over in the fire. It was sad. The new puppies were so cute and sweet. Cherry was still in labor. I knew something was not right. I reached for her to check her out and she snarled at me. Something was wrong. I coaxed her into the laundry basket with the 2 puppies and a heating pad. She was still laboring, so an hour later I rushed her to the animal emergency all the way in Mansfield. (I was not going back to the one off I-20, as they were horribly insensitive and would not accept us without payment upfront when I brought my Cleo cat, who we had rescued from the fire. She was on her last breath, and on oxygen. Thank the Ovilla fire for having a cat O2 mask.) They were so kind and saw her immediately. They took an X-ray and discovered she still had a placenta inside. They gave her pittosin (sp) and she began to calm. She then birthed the placenta and her labor subsided. I took her and the pups back in the basket and by then it was sunrise. I decided that I might as well go by and feed the horses so I woudn’t have to after I got back, as we were very tired by then. I parked, left the heat on, went to feed and when I got back the basket was flipped and a baby puppy was FREAKING MISSING! I was like no way, where could this dog go! It can’t walk, and then I heard a whimper. Cherry had jumped out of the basket all excited thinking she could get out at the barn, stepped on the side of the basket, and catapulted a baby puppy across the freaking car! It was under my gas petal! Seriously, you cant make this shit up. He was fine! Phew! They came home and are doing well, and both are now getting bigger then their mommy. We have 4 dogs with Fire names, Cherry Flame, Lightning (who arrived in our family one week before the fire, and kept Cherry company during the transition and all winter), and the pups are named Flint and Sparky,
In April my team and I attended the spring leadership conference in Sacramento. We had just been promoted to Senior Sales Coordinator in March with the Juice Plus company. My team and I had pushed hard for the last few months to gain the momentum with many new customers and team members. I really was so surprised and pleased with the hard work we put in to achieve this new position. I made the most income that I had ever made in a month that March! I also spoke at our team dinner in Sacramento and got recognized by the company and walked the main stage at the conference representing Team Dynamic Destiny. Such an honor. This secured my belief in myself, my team and this company as longevity for my time/freedom and my future career income.
4/22/15 Earth Day~ We officially opened my completed studio, Yoga 4 Love Studio Cabin, for private sessions, friends and referrals.
At the end of April my father was back in the hospital (again). He had a second surgery to relieve the pressure on his lungs and drain all the massive amounts of fluid building up in his chest. He had been in and out of the rehab an hospital since January and his body was just simply shutting down. I took the tiny puppies to the rehab an hour each way, Dad got to meet them and see his puppy. He was promised the first born. They instantly fell in love.
Sometime that week Denise and I were visiting my dad. As I pulled in and parked, and she did the same in the row behind me, there was a man all dressed in white leaning against the car next to me smoking a cigarette. I paid him no mind, but he said to me, “What is that symbol on your car?” Well, he was referring to the OM. I really did not FEEL like talking to anyone at that moment, and was quite internally rude. I gathered my purse and he persisted, “What does it mean?”. The yoga teacher in me had to tell him, I had to get out of my self pity and share! This is the symbol of all creation! Birth, death, life, Rebirth! It is all that is, it is the sound of Creator, it is the sound of the Universe, the sound without a sound. He listened and proceeded to tell me that his wife is alive and it is a miracle that she lived and he gets to take her home today. Denise had walked over and heard him. I was very moved. I told him that he is very blessed, very blessed indeed. Then I looked at Denise. I don’t remember what happened next, however Denise and I both remember that we don’t know why or how, but he was gone very quickly.
I spent the night at dad’s house on 4/29. That night I had a vision, and I prayed over him in the hospital all night. I reached out to his Highest Self and worked with him on teaching him how to leave his body. He would lift off and up an out to the ceiling of his room then like snap back into his body. I kept telling him, “Go higher!”. He tried and tried and finally was able to lift up and out of the hospital and float a bit away from his dis-ease stricken body. It was then that I saw the vision of the entire hospital glowing with White Light. I was reassured and knew that the people in that place really, truly care. I then went to sleep on my dad’s super comfy bamboo mattress. That night I had a lucid dream. I did not know then what it meant. I was at a huge party, like a ball. A masquerade ball. Or maybe a large conference with a mezzanine level and an escalator filled with people. However, at this conference it had a feel of a party and everyone was larger than life. They were all in full ball costume, some were even in masks. It was so colorful and festive.
In the morning of 4/30/15 I woke and thought about this dream. What does it mean? I then cleaned his house, cleaned out his kitchen and removed all food that my bother in law, Rob, who was sharing the house, would not eat. I methodically and knowingly just took care of wrapping up bits and pieces of my dad’s home. I made some coffee in his Keurig and then went to the hospital ICU to visit my dad. I got there and he was asleep. Pastor Phil was just leaving. His church had mad a lovely brown afghan for him, but it was in the bag by the bed. I would find it later. I sat by him and he woke up and said as he always did, “Hi, baby.” I sat with him and he tried to talk more and I told him he did not need to. He was trying to look at me but could not focus and was wanting seemingly to tell me something fairly important so I started naming subjects and he kept shaking his head no. I started naming all the people in the family, Denise (my only sister) the grandkids, Rich, no no no. Then I wanted to ask him about some logistics about his car and decided against it, as he fell asleep again. I said Daddy I love you. He said, ” I love you, baby.” I left and let him sleep. It was around noon. I drove back to my house 50 minutes away. I got there and a few hours later Denise called me all frantic and said Dad was not responsive. I was like, no, he’s fine, I was just talking to him a little while before. She said no, something has changed and I needed to get over there. It was rush hour, so I waited til the traffic subsided then headed over. I got there and Rob was standing bedside looking forlorn. I had a huge sinking feeling. Rob was torn up, but as a proud Englishman he carried on, reading dad the newspaper sports section and chatting to him. I had been around the hospital enough to learn about all the machines and was checking out his vitals. They were all over the map. The nurse said he had to be intubated. His blood pressure was irregular, he had to be put on mediation immediately. We both tried to get him to respond. I was on his bedside and telling him that his body was not doing so well. I began to tell him that he really did not need to stay here for me and Denise. He was listening, I could tell, but he was very far away. I began to get frustrated that he was not getting the message clearly. I then began to yell, “DAD!!!” and he fluttered his eyelash. I yelled, “DAD YOU NEED TO GO!!!! JUST GO!!! PLEASE GO!!! YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY HERE! We will be fine! Your body doesn’t need to go through this anymore!!!” Rob and I just looked at eachother. I think he heard me. Nothing more to do, I left.
Rob and I agreed that I needed to stay at Denise’s. We went to our cars and he said follow me. I did. However, I was in such a state that I totally followed the wrong car. AND my damn phone decided to do an update so I could not shut it off or on and by the time I realized it I was almost to Fort Worth. I came back the only route I knew and got fairly close to her new neighborhood (they recently divorced and she found a duplex nearby). My phone finally stopped the update and I called, got directions. 10 minutes later, about 8:00 PM I found them and we ate cold pizza. Denise and I went to bed in her tiny bed with a large dog on the bottom. We barely got settled then we got ‘The Call’. The one from the hospital, you know the one you dread and is always inevitable. Just like you may have heard they said if you want to get here, get here fast. So we did. We hauled ass, and the trip that took me 45 minutes (and was really 20) took her 11 minutes. We held hands as sisters only do and ran. We ran and pushed the elevator. We ran to his ICU room, threw on the gown and gloves. He was on the breathing machine and so puffy, so yellow not a regular color. His body was like FUCK THIS! And I could not bear the suffering. It was cruel to leave him on those machines. Within a few minutes Denise and I conversed about this. The nurse was so compassionate and so very dedicated to the task. She was totally on it, every med, every breath, every detail. We asked her why he had to be on all this stuff. She, out of her compassion, said that he in fact did NOT need to be on all these machines and meds. She explained what everything was doing to keep his body operating. Denise and I agreed that if any one thing was off that his body could not possibly make it, and definitely never recover. So, out of our compassion we asked the nurse to stop giving blood regulation/pressure medicine. Shortly thereafter we also asked the doctor to order the removal of the breathing tube and the respiratory therapist arrived about 11:30PM. Dad was not on the BP med and his BP was going from 129 to 50 to 125 to 80. Crazy. When we decided to let his body do what it was going to do all we could do was stay by him and pray, talk to him and tell him we were ok. Slowly and peacefully his breath, his life force slowed. It was 11:59 and he was ready to cross over. He waited until May Day. May 1, and he exhaled for a very long time. I sang the HU and Denise said the Prayer of 84 from Eckinkar, so his soul may never suffer another lifetime here and be in eternal peace. Rich and I had a long time client in the Funeral Business, so it was just right to have them take care of Dad. I chose Sandra Clark Funeral Home and Denise and I walked away from the ICU.
The next morning, I think I slept at her house, we went to eat breakfast, I was on the phone with the VA and making arrangements to secure a date for his internment at the National Cemetery. They had a few dates open. I chose May 7, 2015. Exactly 7 years to the day that my mom passed. Full Circle.
May 7 came in a blur. We arranged a private funeral with Pastor Phil leading. Family and family friends came and my daughter sang, we had a flag ceremony and Phil played guitar. I said my speech and Rob wrote a very nice eulogy. It was a beautiful day. Everyone left. My family was going to meet for a lunch at El Fenix. I could not get in the car. I had to go back to the wall with his ashes in them, right next to mom’s. I wept, I wept so long and hard, and Rich just held me up; supported me. Just then the church bells struck 2:00PM. It snapped me out and I saw the beauty. The grass so green, the flags flying, the white stone of the internment walls and FARRELL on the box in black. We left.
Late May was a turbulent and cleansing period. My inner women’s circle held a Spring Ceremony. That in and of itself is a whole other journey. I finally figured out what the masquerade ball dream meant. It was the reception of my Dad’s homecoming with all the company of Heaven receiving in the souls crossing over! ! They must hold parties like this every night for all of eternity!
The summer was here, June. Kids out of school, our son’s BFF moved to Florida, we were super busy with swim team with my daughter and summer activities. We settled back onto our property and into our lovely new custom home. We made plans for July to go to Colorado, my home state, with my sister, Rob and their son and my Aunt, my mom’s sister. We contacted an old neighbor and family friend and she offered to have us stay with her for the 9 day duration.
July~ We were prepping to go on the plane, I had arrangements for the dogs and puppies to go to a kennel. The day before we were to leave Cherry and Lightning ‘locked up’. I was so distraught that I yelled at them. They would not come apart and what do you do. For real. (I had intended to get him fixed, but with the craziness it was low priority. I now had regretted that.) Although I was really mad about the circumstance I did not want to infuse their little seed with my anger so I prayed over them and apologized and did Reiki. That next day a dear friend, one off my Reiki Master Teachers that I had attuned came to me and needed a session. We held her session and Cherry was all around us during Reiki. (Cherry was also all around my chair when I became a Reiki Master on 12/10 in this very living room, the old house, but on the same slab.) My friend Erin said that she knew why and that she was really meant to have one of the puppies, as she had lost her long time best dog that year. She also loves Cavalier King Charles Spaniels! I know EVERY thing has a Perfect Divine order. So, she was promised a puppy.
Late July, when we arrived in Colorado we had made plans to meet all my cousins, my mom’s family and old friends in the mountains. We spent a few days relaxing and then when Denise and my Aunt arrived we all met at the Stanley Hotel in Estes for a lovely family reunion brunch and made our way to Rocky Mountain National Park. Destination to the top of Trail Ridge 12K and take the rest of Dad’s ashes to the top! We hiked the rest of the way up, at the top Denise, me and the 3 grandkids all opened the tiny urn and threw his ashes off into the Alpine wind into the tundra! We all celebrated. It was finished! The day was so beautiful, so clear and unseasonable warm at that altitude. When we were there in 2008 we took my mom’s ashes to the top! They were both together in Spirit and their ashes in the Alpine of Colorado.
August was time to get ready for a new school year. Our son is a senior this year and daughter in Middle School. Busy times, school shopping and all that stuff.
September rolled in and we recalled one year ago on 9/1/14 the day the fire happened, and we are so eternally grateful for the events that led us to where we are now. My birthday, I turned 43. When my mom was 42 she found breast cancer. I continue daily to help people achieve optimal health. It is my passion. We may have genetic pre-dispositions, however those genes CAN be turned off by lifestyle choices!
September 20, Cherry went into labor! During the night I helped her birth 3 puppies, with some assistance from a snoozing hubby. Hubby and daughter got up at 6:30 AM and she was still in labor with the last pup (we were pretty sure.) At 7:00AM they were leaving to get to school and Cherry was just birthing the last puppy! The other 3 were sleeping on the heating pad, all safe. They got to see him born, but had to leave and I was taking care of them. As they pulled away I helped Cherry not eat the last placenta (she already had one or 2) and she bit the cord, as she should. This one was different. The cord would not tie off with the dental floss, there was so much blood! So much blood and I could not do it! I screamed for my son, praying he would wake all the way across the house. Thank the Angels he did and quickly came to our rescue. He knew what to do as he helped birth all the last litter. My son held the profusely bleeding puppy as I used both hands and prayer and got the cord tied off. The pup was not looking well, but he nursed and he recovered quickly. All 4 were boys!
October was filled with many nutrition events, and beginning my second BETA for my Yoga Teacher Training! In mid October Madonna and I travelled to Nashville, TN to the fall leadership conference. We had an amazing time. We set some huge goals to achieve National Marketing Director me 2016 and her 2017. She is such a dear friend, I am so blessed to be able to choose who I work with in this company. Puppy pee, puppy poo, cleaning up, dear goodness this was getting old!
At the end of October Rich’s mom want into the ICU. She went in due to high anxiety, 2 years after recovering 99% from a Traumatic Brain Injury and Multiple Myloma. She was undiagnosed as to what was causing the stress, and while at the hospital all her bodily functions began to give out. Within a few days she was on complete life support, BP meds, kidney dialysis, intubation. We were all in shock! After about 5 days they lowered her meds and she began to awaken! She continued to regain functioning of her body and get better every day! Puppies were almost weaned!
On Samhain 10/31-11/1 myself and eight other Goddesses held an absolutely out of this world meditation Ceremony. Myself and Sarah led as we journeyed and travelled, meditated, sang and prayed. I communed with the ancients and the trees, saw the Universe and all is Sacred Geometry. I also received love from my mother and Nana. It was miraculous and I am ever grateful for these amazing women in my circle for holding this space.
November, Rich’s mom was recovering and in a rehab center! A miracle to say the least! My cat Cleo went missing the Saturday before Thanksgiving and I was devastated (she is the one that was rescued from the fire and made it after the emergency vet). After about 9 days I came to allow it to be.
My friend Erin flew in to get not just 1 but 2 of the little guys and take them back to Tennesee. Two other friends, one of my training program graduates, Bri and my old studio house keeper took the other two. We were finally puppy free! I cleaned my carpets with my brand new steam cleaner. Then next week we celebrated Thanksgiving with the entire family in our new home and cabin. It was lovely.
December, did some writing for Natural Awakenings, held some fun yoga events and my Juice Plus team continues to grow! I really was missing my dad and after one night doing some charity work at the Boys and Girls Club I had a long drive home. I began to cry. Sometimes it just hits you. That night just a week before Christmas I looked out the french doors and saw a tiny cat face. I almost had a conniption. It was Cleo! I scooped her up and sobbed in joy! She was super skinny but was ok! The only thing we could figure out is that she was out and the puppies chased her then the torrential rains came and she hid. She must have lost her way back. I am ever grateful for Sprit returning her to me as she gives me great comfort (and she is super fluffy!!!)
First Christmas here, but really our 16th Christmas on this sacred property. This year has been the wettest of any year ever in Texas history and my horses are in so much mud! We decorated the house with these fun star sower laser lights, and I got to shop for all new decorations. The only thing that survived the fire was 4 nutcrackers. They got to sit guard on my beautiful new marble unity with vessel sinks overlooking our master bath, raised tub and spa shower with the river rock floor. What a transition. I decided to do all minimalist and simple, nothing traditional. We put up the tiny 4′ tree we had in the rental house entry, my dad’s 4′ tree and 3 lighted small trees; all themed natural burlap, silver, white and teal. We had Christmas Eve at my sister in law’s just a few miles up the road and the best gift ever~ my mother in law got to come home on Christmas Eve for good! She spent it with the (huge) family, and hung in there for 4 hours straight out of the rehab center! They are now back at home in Dallas. We had Christmas at our house with just Denise and her new Fiance, my hubby and kids and invited Madonna and her hubby. Since we had no one to satisfy other than ourselves we did a VEGAN Christmas! It was awesome. I made Veggie Turducken. It was incredible.
12/26/15 Our son had plans to see his BFF in Florida as a gift from us and we were on the way to the airport. Our daughter called us and was extremely frightened, she was at her friends in Ellis County just a mile West of our home and they all were in tornado drill in the bathroom! The tornado sirens were going off and we had no idea what was about to take place. We dropped off our son, he stayed on the tarmac 3 hours then was off safely.
We camped out back at the property, no sirens going off anymore. Power was restored at 9PM. The damage had been done. To our dismay 11 F4 tornadoes ripped through the city, my sister in law’s neighborhood was in total destruction. My friend Stephanie’s neighborhood was even worse. Two of my daughter’s friends homes were torn to shreds as the family hid in the master bath. They all survived. The surrounding area to the East is in a total path of destruction for 17miles the tornado stayed on the ground. My sister in law and the family of 5 with the dog hid in the bath, their house sustained substantial damage but is livable. Two doors down to the West and 2 doors up across the street the houses are totaled. It is just CRAZY. I started a drop off for supplies and we collected two entire SUV and car full of new and used items in just 3 days. We took it all to the donation site. Then on New Year’s Eve Day my daughter and I went with Stephanie to her neighborhood in Glenn Heights and made lunches, cookies, apples and waters and took them in backpacks to anyone out working on their home or disaster relief.
It was a crazy year, 2015. We ended with my hubby and I doing some Acro Yoga while our daughter went to a church party. We then went looking for a restaurant locally and stumbled upon a NYE celebration! Live music, top chef menu, champagne and the works. He was down with it and the ticket was Uptown Dallas prices. He said I was worth it, this was our 25th NYE together!
Today, as it is New Year’s Day 2016 as I write, we create Vision Boards, for the 7th Year in a row on New Year’s Day after a Detox Hot Yoga Vinyasa Flow. Ahhh.
This year I am thrilled about the direction of my life. I can not wait to tell you about my 2016!